Me – building capacity from inside out
 
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Inner peace and resilience

The first thing you do in the morning is check your smartphone and read the news. Something about the news makes you feel frustrated, hopeless or even afraid. You start your day already feeling stressed before breakfast.

Sounds familiar? This chapter is all about how you can help yourself to find islands of calmness and balance to feel more relaxed and safe in the midst of the rush and chaos of today’s world.

If there is a lot going on outside, it might feel difficult to pay attention to how I am feeling and doing. The same happens when we are worried or stressed. It might even feel pointless to take care of yourself when there are so many things going wrong in the world that need our attention. But the funny thing is, in these situations (crisis, stress or other challenges) we actually need care (especially from ourselves) even more than usual.

Why is it so important to take care of ourselves? Here are the top 3 most important reasons:

  1. Our bodies (and minds) react to stress and crises even though we don’t notice it. The stress reactions influence our mental, emotional, physical and social functioning in a negative way, and this affects our ability to interact with others too.
  2. Your own wellbeing is the one thing that you can most easily affect, and this way you can make a difference in the world directly.
  3. If you are well and safe, you can show up at work as a safe adult and help others find safety too.

In short: If we don’t take care of ourselves, it’s very hard to help others.

Forgetting about yourself is easy, and it comes in various forms. You might concentrate a lot on helping others, without even noticing it. Or you might numb your own feelings and needs. No matter what type of stress reaction(s) you tend to have, you can strengthen your own wellbeing and inner safety with these two basic exercises:

 

Exercise



Taking a moment

Sit / lay down on a firm surface and connect with your own body. Check in: what is going on in my body? Be present to all that comes up, and practise accepting everything that might arise. You can do this for 3 to 30 min or as long as it’s needed.

During your activities

Practise noticing and accepting your (bodily) sensations and emotions as they are. When you feel something arising (a sensation or an emotion of any sort): notice and accept it. If it is impossible to be with the sensation / emotion right at the moment, you can promise yourself to come back to it. Take a moment when you have one. Sit / lay down and reflect on what happened before. How did you feel? How do I feel now? How does it feel in your body? Notice and accept anything that might arise. After giving it as much attention and warm acceptance as it now needs, let go.

Tuning into your own thoughts, emotions and feelings and validating them (noticing them, being present to them, accepting them, and then letting go of them) creates inner safety and resilience. Accepting the variety of our own feelings and emotions helps us embrace ourselves as who we are: sometimes strong, sometimes vulnerable. This creates a strong inner message of being in allegiance with oneself, no matter what. This way intentional vulnerability can expand your sense of safety.

Inner acceptance is also a very powerful tool when working with others. When you are more at ease with your own inner world, it is easier to be present to others. Also, the human nervous and sensory systems work in a way that makes us mirror each other. Anxiety can easily spread from one person to another, and so can acceptance and safety. If your body feels safe, it creates safety around it as well.

 

Key concept  

 

Resilience refers to the ability to endure change and setbacks and recover from them. Resilience is both an individual and communal asset. It manifests as mental and psychological flexibility and ability to adapt, change, learn and recover.

 

Past events restored in the body

 

Our bodies remember and carry emotions and experiences from along the way. When you connect with your own body and give your attention to your own inner world, emotions usually start to surface. This can happen instantly, or little by little after you have started practising. Ideally, we would be able to let emotions come out in the moment when they arise, notice them with compassion and then let them go. Unfortunately, this is often not the way we were taught to handle our emotions. However, it is never too late to start practising.

When emotions start to surface, it can easily feel overwhelming and “too much” to handle. This is possibly the way we were taught to handle our emotions as we were children. Many of us were taught or encouraged to push emotions away because they were “too much” for other people to handle. The good news – this is a skill one can learn as an adult. It is possible to notice the feeling of overwhelm and be present to it as well. One can practise being with pain, sorrow or tears – feel them through and then let go: one cry and emotion at a time.

However, especially if it has been a while since you last checked in with your body, there might be a lot of emotions or particularly strong ones, and they might feel overwhelming. There is nothing wrong with that, but if for any reason it feels that you are not coping with these emotions, the best thing to do is to seek professional help. We are not islands – it is okay to need help and support. We all need someone to talk to from time to time. With time it is possible to build the skills to support your own inner world and safety even stronger. But however skilled we are, we all need help sometimes.

Under this chapter (titled Me - Building capacity from inside out) we will provide gentle material to bring to your everyday life and work to support your own resilience, especially in times of crises. If you find some of these tools helpful, you can implement them in your community with your colleagues or groups, as well.

 

Exercises



Mapping your good practices

Take out your notebook and map down what works for you. What are your go-to ways on a challenging day (or every day) to reinforce your own wellbeing? If you are feeling anxious, tired or wired, what methods do you use to stabilise your body-mind? Write down your own methods in your notebook or draw a map.







Conscious relaxation

Listen to this relaxation exercise from the attached audio file, or read it out loud to a group of young people. Relax.

“Lay down on a mat or a firm surface with your hands and legs relaxed and apart. Close your eyes. Take a moment to make sure you are comfortable. Do you need a blanket or a pillow? Make yourself as comfortable as possible right now.

Let the weight of your body rest on the surface.

Imagine that you are lying on soft sand. Imagine the profile of your body pressing gently towards the sand. Every time you breathe out and let the weight of your body relax even more on the sand. Each exhalation will let your body leave just a little bit wider and deeper mark on the sand. You are allowed to rest and let go now.

You might notice some thoughts or emotions rising – let them come without getting too attached to them. You don't have to solve anything right now. You just notice. After noticing, just let go of them, and turn your attention gently back to the profile of your body on the sand, and how the profile of your body keeps expanding with each exhalation.

Let your body rest here as long as you need.”





Incorporating activities to your everyday life

This week, try the two exercises described earlier in this chapter (Taking a moment and During your activities) in your own everyday life. Practise doing them every day at least once for at least five days. You can “take a moment”

  1. first thing in the morning when you wake up
  2. when you have a break at work / activities
  3. after your working day AND / OR
  4. in the evening just before bedtime

Reflect AFTER THE FIRST DAY that you tried them: How did it feel to try these exercises? How do you feel now?

Reflect AFTER FIVE DAYS of practising them: Take out your calendar and add an entry 5 days from now to come back to these questions: How do you feel now about these exercises after trying them for 5 days? Do you notice any changes in your stress levels? Do you notice anything else? Did you find an exercise that you might want to hold on to in the future as well?

 
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